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The Corporate Director's Guide To Handling Environmental Criticism

Originally The Ross Perot Guide To Answering Embarrassing Questions
Original words: Calvin Trillin, 1992
New words (italicised): Miguel Heatwole & Rosemary Lathouris, 2008 & 2011

When something in our industries is found
To be environmentally unsound
And shows that we
Destroy the earth for greed,
And not for need
Here's what we usually do:

We lie. We simply, boldly falsify
We calmly look the world right in the eye
And just deny, deny, deny
We lie

We’ve learned in business we can often win
By avoiding a debate, or using spin
That works for us
But when we feel we must
There is a simpler method that we trust

Our Greenhouse Mafia lobby has the ear
Of Government making policy, that’s clear
Green wash, it’s green
It changes dirt to clean
Only losers think that ‘clean coal’ is obscene

Our scientists are well qualified, and yet
There’s one thing that we won’t let them forget
Because we pay
We tell them what to say
Who cares if real scientists get upset?

We're fracking coal for gas on land near you
Our permit means there's not much you can do
You say your water's polluted by our bore
When your complaints have reached the point we can't ignore

We lie

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