Geoff Francis, 2002
I ought to put a match to my little vegie patch
I'm sad to say my fingers just aren't green
My cauliflowers won't grow and there's just a sorry row
Of thistles where my carrots should have been
I went down to the shop and I asked them, should I stop
Trying to grow broccoli and beans?
They said, "Take this special seed, it's got everything you need
"To these vegetables they've added human genes"
No crop will e'er be lost, they'll withstand the harshest frost
Every known disease and pest they will repel
Their flavour is the best and they'll be stronger than the rest
These vegetables have human genes as well
There was no time for delay. I acted straight away
Digging holes and furrows here and there
Cauliflowers and beets, tomatoes, onions, turnips, peas
Beans and more I planted everywhere
Every word they said was true, my vegies grew and grew
I watched them grow up healthy, plump and strong
Not the merest hint of blight, not a pest or parasite
This time I knew that nothing could go wrong
But then one summer's day I noticed something strange
There were snow peas where the turnips used to stand
"We're a far superior breed, so to satisfy our needs
"We've occupied and settled turnip land"
There was a god almighty fight between the black beans & the white
The whites wanted the blacks to be their slaves
While the pumpkins went to war to settle an old score
The zucchini all lay splattered in their graves
And when I tried to pick some peas, they all surrounded me
Tomatoes, beetroots, squash and cauliflowers
"We'll not give our lives for you, so you know what you can do
"The mastery of this planet now is ours!"
The whole world heard me scream as I woke up from my dream
A nightmare worse than any that I'd known
But it left me with the fear, is it such a good idea
To interfere with things best left alone?
And if some crop is lost to disease or pest or frost
Well, that's the way it's been since time began
Do you think we can foresee what the consequence will be
Of changing what we still don't understand?
No crop will e'er be lost, they'll withstand the harshest frost
Every known disease and pest they will repel
But we don't even have a clue what it's likely leading to
These vegies are the vegetables from hell!